“Hey Mom. What’s going on?” I was nearly out of breath from walking through the busy streets of the financial district of New York in early 2018. March 10, 2018 to be exact. A date I’ll never forget. I was walking through New York on a mission; a mission to complete Taboo Business Questions. I had the book almost there, but needed to wrap up a few loose ends. My publisher told me to take a trip somewhere I could find inspiration. So, I chose New York. The financial district, specifically. I thought walking through the bustling streets, being surrounded by other suits, and seeing the tall buildings would help me get it to the finish line. I had been typing for almost 24 hours straight and needed a break. So, I went for a walk. Then, my mom called. She never calls. 

“Oh hey sweetie. I know you’re busy…” There was something different about her voice. Normally, she spoke with an authority that only she could also make gentle. This was not that. This was timid. Unsure.

I stopped walking to catch my breath. “What’s going on?”

“Well. I don’t want to bother you, honey. I know you’re always so busy. Going here. Going there. Working on your book. I’m so proud of you for working on it as hard as you do. Sacrificing all those hours. Reading so much. Staying up late. It’s been a blessing to see your dedication.” She paused again.

I could tell this conversation was not really about the book. She was trying to gently ease into a tough conversation. A son can tell these things. 

She pressed on as she found a bit of confidence. “I saw a doctor today.” She paused again. 

I could hear her strained breathing through the receiver. It was unsettling. I stood in front of the New York Stock Exchange and looked around while trying to discern how I should feel. 

“Okay. What did the doctor say, mom? Everything okay?” I tried not to be worried. I knew she had been battling cancer for a while now. In fact, it was her third bout with it. We had dinner a few days prior; before I left for New York. Everything seemed fine. She was seeing doctors and getting treatments. She assured me there was nothing to worry about then.

There had been an obvious shift in her confidence from then to now.

“Well, honey. I just want you to know that no matter what happens, you know that I love you. I’m so proud of you. And. I can’t wait to read your book!” She was going back to the avoidance techniques. 

“Mom. What happened at the doctor? Can you just tell me what’s going on?”

“Oh, Matt…” She stopped talking. I could hear her pull the receiver from her face as she cried. 

I cried. I knew this was a call she wasn’t happy to make. No parent wants to tell their child bad news. And this call was one of those kinds of calls.

She pressed on. “I need to tell you some things that aren’t easy for a mother to tell her oldest son. Can you hear me okay?” She was struggling to get the words out. Almost as if she didn’t want to admit there was anything wrong in the first place. “I’m sorry, Matt. I wish I was stronger. I wish there was something more I could do.”

I had to put my phone down and find a place to sit. My world was spinning. The busy streets suddenly went quiet. Or, at least I couldn’t hear them. After a few seconds, I picked the phone back up and said, “Mom. I love you. You’re the strongest person I know. I know that no matter what the doctors say that you’ll be okay. You’ll be fine. Right, mom? You’re going to be okay, right? That’s what the doctors said?”

I wasn’t ready to believe it. It couldn’t be true. My mom. The best mom ever. Proud graduate from Northern Illinois University with a Journalism Degree in the 80’s. She spent years working at the Mercantile Exchange selling bonds. Yes. A female. A strong and successful woman. Selling bonds at the Merc in the 80’s. That’s my mom. The month before she had me, she was awarded salesperson of the month by outselling the dozens of men she worked with. As a two-time cancer survivor, I literally witnessed my mom battle this illness with the tenacity of a maverick. 

No one can ever be ready for this call. I certainly wasn’t.

From the date of this phone call to her passing was less than a month. Literally less than 30 days. The doctors had warned her the cancer was spreading quicker and the chemo was no longer slowing it down.

The time went so fast.

I spent most of time time between the call and her passing simply trying not to cry. It was hard. 

Losing my mom was really hard. Grieving wasn’t easy either. I spent a lot of time in my therapist’s office crying. I’d bring writings from my journal about things I’d remembered about my mom. Times that she was there for me. Things she taught me. Stories she told. Visiting my therapist to grieve and reflect allowed me the space to process.

Slowly, I began to realize that my mom was preparing me for success in life and business. She was a patient teacher; always full of wisdom and the perfect analogy.

There are some specific things I remember my mom telling me about life that I’ve decided to share. I call them “Business Lessons from my Trailblazing Mother.”

Here’s the first one:

Successful people are always learning, teaching, and empowering.

She was the person I’d call when I lost a game, didn’t get a job, got a B instead of an A that I thought I deserved, or really any other time I had not gotten the result I wanted. She would listen intently, ask questions, and then end with, “But what did you learn? We’re learners. So, tell me. What did you learn?” 

She’d go on to say that sometimes the best lessons in life come from failures. She’d quickly bring up Michael Jordan. I can still hear her say, “What do you think Michael Jordan did when he didn’t make the team in high school?” 

I think she must have asked me this at least a dozen times. I’d answer the same way each time. “I bet he went right back to the gym and practiced until the coaches kicked him out.”

As I entered my 20’s, she’d shift the questions from learning to teaching. “Matthew, what can you take away from that experience and teach to other people? You’re going to be a great teacher someday, so you’d better remember the lesson.”

When I began to manage teams, work with professionals, and truly enter the business world, she’d talk to me about empowering others. “Matthew, you’re right where you need to be. Now it’s time to realize your job is to give them all the tools they need, teach them all the skills they need, supply them with all the information they need and apply the proper motivation. Then, allow them to figure it out.” 

I have more business lessons from my trailblazing mother. I hope you check back in on this blog to read them all soon.